My Friends Give Me Feedback

Receiving feedback—or even criticism—from the people you love is hard. It also gives you one of the best opportunities to grow. 

The friends and family that know you best can often see your blind spots. Over the last couple months, mine have come up with some real gems that I’m glad they called attention to. 

1. I have tunnel vision when I get excited about something 

I have a lot of passion, and when I get excited about something—a relationship, a career change—I tend to dive in head first. That’s served me a lot over the years—I’ve been able to laser focus on my objectives and turn my goals into reality.

And also, that sometimes means I lose sight of the bigger picture. 

Catching my breath for a second and taking a step back—something a good friend of mine often calls attention to—is something I don’t do with ease. It can avoid jumping down the wrong trail too quickly or ignoring red flags. 

2. I am uncomfortable watching people I love disagree

A couple weeks ago, two people I care about deeply got into a politics-related argument. I could feel the discomfort swell in me as the back-and-forth got increasingly heated. 

So, what did I do? I poured water on the conversational fire and abruptly changed topics. 

At that moment, I thought it was the right thing to do. But, as a friend of mine who was present pointed out, I also robbed everyone there of the opportunity to learn from the debate. 

Disagreeing is a normal, healthy part of any relationship. Avoiding it in my own relationships and even curbing it in others prevents people from growing and solidifying their bonds through conflict. 

3. I am innately selfish

Maybe we all are, I don’t know. But this one was particularly hard to hear. 

Over dinner the other day, a close friend of mine called me out for being selfish. It felt like a blow to the stomach. 

When I asked him what he meant by that, he answered with, “You’re the type of person that serves yourself first, then others.” 

I’m torn on whether I think being selfish is an inherently bad thing or not. Regardless, it is important to be aware of when you’re acting selfishly and when you’re acting selflessly. 

This comment drew attention to a way I was acting selfishly without even realizing it. 

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Getting into the habit of asking your friends for feedback is powerful. It may be uncomfortable at first, but it gets exponentially easier over time—especially when it’s delivered with love and care. 

It’s a lifelong practice I intend to uphold.