When Does Being Allergic to Negativity Become Too Much?

About 8 years ago, at the height of my disordered eating, I was really negative. 

I had this whole “life sucks and then you die” attitude. The days and weeks were periods of time I had to get through, rather than ones that were gifted to me. 

I’m no longer in that place. 

Today, I’m proud of the work that I’ve put into building a positive, take-charge outlook on life. I genuinely enjoy my days and look forward to what I have planned ahead. 

Being positive and optimistic has been a practice that I’ve had to exercise consistently over the last few years. To most of us, it doesn’t come naturally and can easily slip away without proper time and attention. 

It’s a mindset that needs to be cultivated with love, patience, and intention.

In my case, I also find it is very easily affected by the energies of the people around me. 

In conversation with a friend last week, I realized that I can find a way to like and connect with almost anyone. The weirder and more gauche someone is, the more I become fascinated with their existence. It entices me to lean in. 

But there’s one exception—negative people. 

When I’m around someone that complains like it’s going out of fashion or has a “the-world-is-against-me” attitude, it makes my skin crawl. I feel like it causes an allergic reaction. 

I doubt that many people enjoy being around Debbie Downers all the time, but this is something else. It’s like I live in fear of getting infected with that negativity. Or like I’m at risk of falling back into old patterns by being exposed to it too much. 

Even when I personally start venting or complaining about something, I experience a gut feeling that I’m doing something ‘bad.’ 

And part of me likes that. It’s like having guardrails on my negativity spirals. 

But the other part of me thinks that I would benefit from relaxing those ‘rules’ just a little bit. Giving myself grace can be the best gift at times. 

It’s also a beautiful gift that we can give others. 

So, my intention going forward is to meet negativity—both in me and others—with more curiosity than judgement. I am in control of my own attitude—I can keep up with the mindset maintenance that has been working for me over the last few years while still holding space for frustrations and down-days. 

Two things can be true at once: I can strive to have a positive mindset and let myself (and others) be human.