White Lies Are Still Lies

On Friday night, I found myself at a rooftop bar with a single girlfriend of mine. We were having a great time chatting about dating when a guy wandered over and started chatting her up.

From the moment he approached, I knew my friend wouldn’t be interested. Still, I politely turned away to give them a some semblance of privacy, fully expecting she’d be sending him on his way before long.

Sure enough, a few minutes later I heard him ask, “So, you have a boyfriend, right?” to which she apologetically replied, “Yes.”

For single women, this kind of interaction isn’t exactly rare—it’s one I’ve found myself in time and again. But seeing it play out in front of me gave me a different perspective and caught my attention for a couple reasons.

First, this friend of mine—a no-nonsense lawyer who’s one of those people who will actually tell you if that dress looks good or not—told a flat-out lie. Not only does she not have a boyfriend, but she’s been actively looking for a partner for years.

Of course, saying she’s taken doesn’t mean she’s generally lying left, right, and center. But it did make me think back to a recent conversation I had with my mentor, who suggested I practice noticing the moments when I act out of alignment with my values as a way of finding my way back to center.

Her example was this: “Say honesty is a core value of yours. No one’s perfect, but just try to notice when you’re not being honest. If a homeless person asks for change and, out of habit, you reply, ‘sorry, I don’t have any,’ when in fact you do—that’s a small way of living out of alignment.”

At the bar that night, my friend had just done the same thing.

The second reason her response struck me was a little more on the superstitious side. As I mentioned, she’s been set on finding a partner for quite some time. And something I’ve personally been working through with my therapist is the importance of actually voicing and embodying that desire.

It might sound a little “woo-woo,” but putting closed-off energy out into the universe when it comes to relationships just feels like bad juju.

That’s not to say anyone single and seeking should welcome every interested person with open arms. Discernment is key, and it’s always worth listening to your gut when something feels off.

But there’s usually a way to be honest with people while also being gentle. It might create a bit of discomfort in the moment, but my mentor had a point—it doesn’t feel good to lie.

Living in alignment feels better. Witnessing this interaction presented a good reminder to carry that intention forward.